Bohemian Cinema By Jonathan Pacheco

“X-Men: The Last Stand” (2006)

Directed by Brett Ratner

Satisfaction:Frustrated Tags: Brett Ratner, X-Men, Action, Sci-fi, Comic

Maybe I just watch too much TV, but lately a lot of movies I’ve been watching seem to be 2-hour films with 45-minute concepts. X-Men: The Last Stand is the latest victim, because when I think about it, only one big thing—one major event, that is—happens in this film, with maybe 2 smaller things. And that’s it, the rest is just filler. I don’t know, maybe I’m just used to intricate plots lasting, oh, 24 episodes.

So what beef do these mutants have with each other that we need a last stand? It’s fairly simple, really. Through the exploitation of a specific little mutant boy, homo sapiens have discovered a “cure” for the mutant gene; that is, they have created a serum that eliminates the mutation, leaving a perfectly…normal human being. Homo sapiens applaud, some mutants are curious, the rest are furious. How the angry handle the situation is the main conflict of the story, for there are some, led by Magneto (Ian McKellen), who believe this development is the last straw in the oppression of the mutant, therefore harsh retaliation is the only available option. The “good guys” with their boy scout Professor X (Patrick Stewart) and representative Beast (Kelsey Grammer) are attempting to be more rational and diplomatic about the whole situation. All this will lead to a clash between mutants and sapiens and mutants.

The other “major” story involves Dark Phoenix. If you don’t know who or what that is, you most likely haven’t seen the first two films or the trailer for the third. Phoenix is basically a ticking time bomb, unable to control her powers once she starts up. Magneto likens her abilities to a goddess and attempts to appeal to her in order to have her as the ultimate weapon for his cause. While being a cool concept, it ultimately ends up being underdeveloped and hammy.

Now, I complain about the plot only because plot is pretty much the only thing this film has. Characters are given small (and that’s being generous) subplots (and that’s being generous), usually concerning the “cure,” and what it would mean to take it. The most prominent situation is that of Rogue (Anna Paquin), who is obviously considering injecting herself due to the fact that she can’t lay a finger on her boyfriend Bobby (Iceman, played by the always-good Shawn Ashmore) without literally sucking the life out of him. Plus, it doesn’t help that Bobby’s getting pretty chummy with the adorable Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page).

As I noted before, there are several issues that are brought up that are never quite explored. Many comparisons can be drawn from the mutant gene “cure”—homosexuality, for example (a metaphor that many believe X2 angled). But, somewhat like X2, nothing is really said about any of the topics (we assume the film’s stance is against the “cure” because, well, the good guys are against it. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that Ratner or the writers are addressing any real issues). Another word mentioned that I would have really liked to have had examined is “evolution.” Several times, Magneto claims that the mutants are the next step in the evolutionary process, a concept that could have been so rich in exploration. While I wasn’t expecting a philosophical commentary the likes of 2001, I would have liked to see ideas on the process of ape to human to superhuman (a concept Hitler took off with).

The special effects in the X-Men movies have never been at the top of the game, but X2 had some decent stuff, and how they dealt with it was commendable. The same probably couldn’t be said for The Last Stand. The physics are shoddy at best. Don’t be fooled by the previews, because what you saw in the trailers is too short for you to notice the inconsistencies. The big Golden Gate Bridge sequence is actually not badly done, but not very good by a long shot.

Yet, overall what chapped me the most was the disregard for the characters. Almost all of them act contrary to what has been established in the first two films, the prime example being Professor X. He was smart, caring, nurturing, and wise in X-Men and X2, yet here he’s pushy, somewhat of an idiot, and kind of a jerk. When did this come about? And of course there’s the Cyclops storyline that seems to be more of an afterthought, if not a punishment to James Marsden for joining Bryan Singer on Superman Returns. If you’ll notice, I haven’t even mentioned the “main character” of the series because, despite his screen-time, he’s virtually nonexistent in this film.

All this leads to a film with some good parts, some potential for some great parts, but an overall feeling of sloppiness. That’s what happens when you rush things.